StrangersNotAllowed

I did it again.

I made my father cry once again and it is really a tough job doing it. Now I feel so useless and ashamed. Guilty at the very least. It is very rarely that we talk. It's just the two of us here at home but I always fail to share to him all those cheesy stuffs that a normal father-and-child usually share.


I have experienced a lot of these awkward situations when my father talks about how difficult life is for him but today was different. It pierced me like a dagger going through my heart this time.

So he was subpoenaed, for almost hurting one of his students two weeks ago. ( No, he made it clear that he did not hurt him) My initial reaction was shock. And then I started worrying, saying things that my four years in college should have taught me. All about Child Protection Act and so. Then I guess what really hurt him was when I asked him point-blank if he really hurt the child. That's when he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said " I told you this because I wanted to get moral support from you and all you are doing now is scold me".

His words struck me like thunderbolt and in a split of second, tears started to fall from my eyes. I told him I was just worried about what may happen to him. Child abuse is not a light topic. He could go to jail for it.

I then realized what I have done. As I hugged his huge frame, flashbacks of my childhood memories ran before me... those nights when he would sing to me before I go to sleep, those times when he would make me sit on his shoulders and carry me all the way home. He is my dad. He is the one man that I would trust my life with and never in a million years would he hurt a child even out of rage.

I felt ashamed of myself for not running to his side the second he shared his problems with me. I felt ashamed that at the only moment he tried to consult me, I pushed him away and blamed him for something that he did not do.

In between tears and heartbreaking stares, he told me all those pent-up feelings that he had been hiding all these years. The heartaches he has to endure ever since my mom died of cancer, the difficulties he had to face just to send me to college...those times when he had to skip meals just so he can save the money for my little brother's needs.

That is when I realized how great my father is. Not many children are blessed with a father like him, a father who would sacrifice everything for the benefit of his children. He cares for me. He cares for my brother.


The thing is, I may never say it to him as often as I should, but I love him. I may be this rebellious woman in his eyes but deep inside I am still his little girl who would cry if anyone ever tries to hurt him. He is one of the only two human beings that gives me reason to live. I never told him but everything that I do, every achievement that I get, they are all for him and my brother. I want to make them proud of me. They mean the world to me.

I don't care about what other people think about him but my dad is the greatest dad of all. He may have flaws as a father but he is perfectly imperfect and I could never ask for more.


This Christmas, I will make sure I get him something that will make him feel proud of himself. My dad is my hero. Nothing can ever change that.

(Of course, my mom is my heroine)